Sunday, June 29, 2014

Past Epiphany

You know those moments when you discover something about yourself? An epiphany of sorts, of what you need or need to do? I had one of those a few months ago… and then COMPLETELY FORGOT about it. Luckily I blogged it… FYI people this is why journaling is awesome. You can grow tenfold when you're reminded of those times in your life when God shed a little light, all as a big picture.  Lately I see it in my blogging, which has in many ways replaced some of my journaling.  I was going back and reading through some posts a week ago and ran across one i'd made as a reflection of watching an episode of Extreme Weight Loss.  (BTW i'm not 100% in love with their methods or un realistic goals that often set the people up to fail or use extreme methods.) The girl on the show was not eating enough in order to meet goals and Chris Powell had her set physical goals instead. Anyway I realized that that's what i'd needed to do and then forgotten completely about it as I got caught up in my weight loss goals and  charts and scale. So I need to get back to setting those fitness goals instead. And come up with a time frame to meet them in. I'm going to look a jogging stroller sometime this week! And I had Danny hide the scale and i'm only going to weight 2x a month, and I wrote down my measurements. I hope though that I find better ways to still  be accountable to myself outside of just my weight. Through my food journal is one way. Speaking of… I need to make up our weekly menu and grocery list!

As you know we lost our baby about two months ago. I haven't mentioned it again but it's still a  challenge. Still grieving. This week a few couples that were due around when we were found out the gender of their baby. It's been really hard. Knowing an announcing the gender just solidify's so much those dreams you have for that child and your family unit with them in it. I'm starting to look forward to moving in a few months for that reason alone. And as selfish as it sounds I hope we move before they're born. It's been hard to see the pregnant bellies and hear the gender announcements but I know that seeing the actual baby will be even harder. I know it will always be hard to see children that age.

I tried baking a clean and healthy breakfast cookie this weekend.  And almost caused the death of my child in the process!
It had banana, oats, egg, crasins… idk other healthy stuff.. and almonds. Oh! And some chocolate chips just to make them edible. I gave one to Rowan without giving it much thought. He was so hungry he started snarfing them. Anyway he ended up choking on one of the almond chunks! I was sitting there watching him making sure he DIDN'T choke because i'd noticed him trying to swallow something he obviously hadn't chewed or mashed with his little gummies. I was kicking myself for putting the almonds in or not picking them out of his, sure enough… he was ok though. He swallowed it and coughed some and cried a little and was fine. Sigh. If we make those again they'll be nut free!

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