It's moments like these that make the pain real again instead of a memory.
Some stuff happened, usual stuff for me today. I had a little rant about them and our family frequently visiting the ER over Facebook, and I said "…Between the 4 of us…" I then posted it, and upon re-reading realized that i'd put 4, not three. It took me a second to realize what was wrong with the 4, I had to mentally say and tick off on my fingers, "Megan, Danny, Rowan.. Rowan. Three, that's three." And my heart ached again. That grief invisible to the outside world. Because we are four. It's the little moments that make it all real again. You can put away the thoughts of your lost baby and the life they may have had and the family you would have shared but they are a part of you that changes your heart forever. I still cry when a stranger says her due date is "...end of October beginning of November." I still ache when I see a newborn baby, or a pregnant woman. I still have to leave the room as others share their good news, because it all makes the pain too real again.
Some stuff happened, usual stuff for me today. I had a little rant about them and our family frequently visiting the ER over Facebook, and I said "…Between the 4 of us…" I then posted it, and upon re-reading realized that i'd put 4, not three. It took me a second to realize what was wrong with the 4, I had to mentally say and tick off on my fingers, "Megan, Danny, Rowan.. Rowan. Three, that's three." And my heart ached again. That grief invisible to the outside world. Because we are four. It's the little moments that make it all real again. You can put away the thoughts of your lost baby and the life they may have had and the family you would have shared but they are a part of you that changes your heart forever. I still cry when a stranger says her due date is "...end of October beginning of November." I still ache when I see a newborn baby, or a pregnant woman. I still have to leave the room as others share their good news, because it all makes the pain too real again.
No comments:
Post a Comment