Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Birth


 So patriotic! Memorial day, soldier comes home to whiteness the birth of his first son.  How American are WE haha. It didn't work out, Rowan had his own agenda.

Sweetie took this photo while we waited for them to break my water
We arrived at ERMC at 7 am on Monday morning.  Didn't get much sleep! Its hard to before such a big day, and its hard to sleep that pregnant anyway.  We were led to our labor and delivery room, I got into the cute little hospital gown and we waited.  I was at a 2 when we got there.  They came in and broke my water at 9 am.  The doctor said this would possibly be my most uncomfortable part of the day. W-R-O-N-G. It hurt, but I breathed through it and the pain ended quickly and we jumped into labor.  They put an IV in the side of my wrist (don't let them put it there, so awkward and really painful oddly enough. I had to ask them to move it later, i think it was on a nerve). They started me on pitocin and an antibiotic for my heart. They then hooked me up to an internal contraction monitor and put an internal monitor on Rowan's head.  So from the beginning I was already hooked up to all of these things... and if any of you know what kind of birth I wanted, one where I could walk around and move and things to help labor progress, this wasn't it.  But I knew it would be that way because they were starting my labor and giving me pitocin and medications for my heart.  So I was in labor! Danny and I watched hours and hours of Cake Boss that day.  I don't think I will ever see Buddy on TV again without thinking of the day Rowan was born.

I was breathing through my contractions as we watched them come and go on the monitor. The nurse increased my pit gradually and they became more intense.   I continued to practice my hypnobirthing breathing and it was doable!  Danny was fantastic. He always is. :)

Epi- Fail 

I'm not sure how long it was before the nurse came in and said we should get my epidural going.  I was still breathing through contractions and handling them well but they were intense enough I was ready for it.  The doctor had told me before I had to have one to minimize stress on my heart, pain causes stress.  The anesthesiologist came in and let me know everything that can go wrong. I  said ok and was instructed on how to arch my back.  They told me it would be a pinch and burn. I  arched my back and leaned over hugging the pillow like they said as the nurse and Danny stood in front of me supporting me.  I tried to disappear inside of myself and focus on my breathing as I felt the poke.  I'm not kidding you when I say this was possibly the worst pain I have experienced in my life as he dug around in my nerves for a whole THIRTY MINUTES.   The whole time I was focusing on my breathing and trying my best to practice what i'd learned in hypno birthing to breath through the pain as he stirred my nerves with the needle.  I was wondering if this were normal.  I started to shake and turn white and whimper, the nurse kept re assuring me I was doing well.  The anesthesiologist was annoyed and told me "Well say something if you're uncomfortable!" I lost it.  I had never hurt so bad in my life. I felt like I was going to pass out and started crying and begging him to stop.  He kept trying.  They kept saying we were "almost there." or "He almost has it."  I kept crying and told them I was going to throw up.  He finally stopped. After he finished I threw up and lay down sobbing and shaking from the intensity of the pain.  The anesthesiologist then said " I don't know else to say this, due to the excess weight around your back you have gained with this pregnancy I can't reach the spot, I mean my needle is only so long."  I couldn't believe it. I have seen obese and pregnant... I can feel my own spine if I bend over like that! How dare he say that to me when i'm in such a state!  What an idiot, and an excuse for not being able to do his job  correctly! He better watch out.  If I EVER see him again i'll claw his face off.  He kept demanding I tell him if he should try again.  I was too traumatized, I decided I'd just do it naturally.  Nothing can hurt worse than that!  He kept asking me over and over what to do from there and I kept saying I don't know I don't know!  while I cried.  He gave up  and said he'd go talk to the doc.  He came back in and informed me that the Doc had said I HAVE to get one, one way or another for my heart and he could try again.  I was till too unhinged and sent him away.  Was it supposed to feel that way?  They had to lower my pitocin so I could calm down.  I talked to the nurse who had been very careful with her words.  She was obviously angry. After seeing how well I handled contractions and what pain I was in she was irate.  She kept her words professional though and kept saying "it must not be his day."  Uhhhh... finally  I begged her to help me, I told her this is my first time I don't know what to do, I don't know how this is supposed to feel." She suggested a new anesthesiologist.  I was so scared.  I still didn't want it at all.
 Danny was so great, he was angry at the anesthesiologist and did his best to comfort me any way he could.  He held me while I cried, held my hand and got me anything I needed. I appreciated him so much, love him dearly and am beyond  grateful he was there with me.  Danny and I decided to try the new guy and said a prayer about our decision.  I felt peace come over me.  I was a bit jumpy when the new guy inserted the needle.  It was a small pinch, and a burn and it was over.  Geeze, that needle must have grown to get through my layers of blubber huh?  I guess I wasn't too fat after all.  After my legs went numb and the medication started kicking in I said to Danny "That first anesthesiologist better watch out, I'm going to curb stomp him and my legs are numb, I won't feel a thing!"

Can I just say two of the most obnoxious things about this day was 1 being freezing the whole time from IV's and 2 being too tall for the bed. All day of laying in one spot and not being able to move with your feet dangling off can make you basically crazy.  Being tired and starving while you  really need energy was a pain too.

 They had dropped my pit so much after that and had to wait for me to calm down and it really slowed down my labor.  To top it off the numbing medication of the epidural made my blood pressure drop and caused nausea.  Again.  So they had to give me yet another medication for that.  The Doc came in at this point and checked me, I don't remember where I was at, maybe a 5-6? He was angry. He said I should have been much further by now.  Again the nurse stuck up for me and explained what had happened to set us back.  Bless that nurse.  After the epidudral kicked in they gave me a catheter.  Just as I was afraid of as soon as it was in I had a bladder spasm, and yes I  could feel it just fine.  The nurse fought to get me the medicine I needed to numb the urinary track.  Because it was memorial day offices weren't open and that caused some problems.  With pharmacy's and not being able to even reach my cardiologist.

 The entire time I was in labor the doctor kept stressing that he wasn't going to let me push too long because of my heart and that if things did take too long we would go to c-section.  I had had a beautiful blessing from my bishop a few weeks before. He blessed me that everything would go smoothly and I would have a "normal delivery." I held on to those words. I tried so hard to put my trust in Heavenly Father and that priesthood blessing and believe that it would be ok.

Poor sweetie, sitting at my side for so many hours!
Best hubby ever <3
  So labor continued... we waited.  I progressed very very slowly.  Hours went by.  People kept asking me over facebook if we had had him yet, I think it was at 14 hours I posted this pic-  and said "And still no baby." Or something like that.  Thank you all of you obnoxious facebook friends who told me to practice some patience. I appreciate it.  It really put things in perspective. 

My family had done well at letting us have our little family time and waited anxiously for updates without intruding.  I kept progressing slowly, but Rowan wasn't moving down.  My contractions started decreasing in intensity (this often happens after an epidural) if they upped the pit though they were too close together and that's dangerous for baby and mom.  So they let things creep along.  Eventually I made it to being fully effaced but still only like an 8 and the contractions were weak and he was still sitting too high.  The doc came in and told me that things were "Basically falling apart." He said that with it being my first baby and starting me early with my baby being high he'd guessed i'd be a 50/50 chance for a c-section.  I wanted to scream "WELL THEN WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE?!" I was so frustrated.  I called my family and my Dad came and helped Danny give us another blessing.  Mom, Marissa, and Kenyon came too, I was embarrassed to have my siblings see me like that.  Pretty sure I said "Geeze, brought the whole family... thaaanks."

  After the blessing my family went out to the waiting room and Danny and I waited some more.  The doc came and  checked me again,  I was fully dilated but Rowan still wouldn't come down.   He decided to give me more time.  I told Heavenly Father that if Rowan needed a c-section or I did for safety then we would get it.  I was trying so hard to trust Him.  I knew that even though I was frustrated with the doc that  I was sent to him for a reason.  I wanted so badly to move around and wiggle my hips to get Rowan down.  I turned on my side (with help) and just shook. When the doc checked again Rowan had moved!  He wasn't sitting up in my ribs anymore.  They said they
would give us a little longer.


The Warm Bed for Rowan
  About an hour later, or maybe two I started feeling a lot of pressure.   Danny had fallen asleep, we were 17 hours into labor by now and I knew it was time to push!  I was texting Jaimee at the time, pretty sure I said "It's time!" I was so tired!  I had been watching a lot of a Baby Story as I got closer to our due date.  One of the women on it had been pushing so long she got too tired and basically gave up!  She stopped pushing and demanded a c-section.  I was worried about that and pushing more than two hours and they would make me get one because of stress on my heart.  When the nurse came in I told her it was time and she woke Danny.  She told me that when she saw a contraction coming on she would tell me to push and I was to hold my breath and  bare down and push while she counted.  I said no, no thank you no hemorrhoids for me.  I'm not purple pushing, i'm going to breath out as I push!  She was like.. err whatever  (basically yeah that won't work you'll see girl) and we got me set up to push.  I told Danny that I hadn't had any control over anything about this labor all day and now that it was time I planned on beasting out this baby!  His job, as instructed by the nurse (the staff had changed right before labor, this was a different nurse.  I was sad i'd been there long enough that the other who had been with me all day wouldn't be there when he was actually born.)

  On the first contraction and push (WITH BREATHING THANK YOU!) I moved him right to the pubic bone and Rowans heart rate dropped drastically, down to 30.  The nurse got the Doctor, we gave Rowan a few min for his heart rate to come back up.  I don't know why I didn't panic when that happened.  I think everyone around me staying calm helped me not to worry about how bad that was. When the doctor came in and checked me and felt where Rowan's head was and saw his heart rate had dropped so far he said "We are having a baby!" I got ready to push on the second surge.  I pushed as hard as I could and breathed out as I did, this moved him under the pelvic bone, the Doctor said that he had been turned the wrong way (face up) and he was now the correct way.  Rowan was crowing and I just remember giving Danny this look...  of  everything that we'd been through, I was most scared to meet our baby.  One more surge came and I pushed as hard as I could for as long as I could, Danny was telling me to keep going, the doctor cut me, Danny said that I was almost there and that he could see the head, and out he came!  Rowan's cord was wrapped around his neck.  This is probably why his heart rate dropped and why he wouldn't move down for so long.  I pushed him out in ten minutes.   I could feel everything that was happening it just wasn't "that" painful.  Some women are completely numb, I wasn't.  I think that helped me feel better to push.  Even the doctor was impressed by how quickly he came!  They put Rowan on top of my chest, I was in shock!  I just had a baby!  I remember thinking he had curly hair, because it looked curly while it was all covered in birth goo and matted!  After he was cleaned up it looked a little different.  His cheeks were so big and adorable!  He was just how i'd hoped he'd look.  Like his Daddy, with Dark hair.  Danny cut the cord it was thinner than normal being a two vessel single artery umbilical cord.  Rowan's abdomen looked absolutely normal!  I have no idea how it ever measured small... I had Danny call my mom's phone and just hear little Rowan wailing haha.  I don't remember much for a bit, I was too in shock.  Just feeling the doc tug on the cord and placenta.... and saying "DID YOU JUST PULL ON THAT?" and saying "Hey I can feel that" while they stitched.  They had to give me a numbing shot.  I was just really in shock and little Rowan cried and cried.

Rowan Daniel Tracy 

Rowan's First Photo 
Rowan was born about a half hour after midnight on May 28th 2013.  He weighed 8 lbs 1 oz and was 21 inches long.  While he was on the nurses warm bed and they were checking him he was crying so hard!  His poor face was so swollen and bruised, I think the cord being around his neck combined with birth was pretty painful and traumatic for him.  Danny put his hand on him and he calmed down some, it was very sweet.  It gave me so much comfort to see him respond to his Daddy's touch even though he hadn't been with me for months.  I held him on my chest and tried to comfort him, he kept crying.  I asked the nurses if this were normal,  I could tell they were trying to be nice by not saying much.. finally she admitted that usually they stop crying by now haha.

After Birth

After Rowan was somewhat cleaned up they put him on my chest to try and breast feed.  It's not that easy to do when you are so worn out.  We worked at it for a while.  Mostly he was crying to hard to even latch.  Eventually he did eat.  Not for long enough though, we had to try again because his blood sugar was too low.  The nurses kept trying to get me to eat and kept asking if I were ready to go to our room.  I wasn't interested in either for some time.  When I finally decided to go to our room I almost passed out.  We got to our room at around 3 am.  I was so ready to sleep.  They had a little bed in there for Danny too.  I tried so hard to sleep.  Yeah.. that didn't happen.  I was too still in shock and the nurses are coming in and out all night, changing your pads, giving you medication, checking the position of your uterus, bringing Rowan in to eat... I just couldn't rest. They always left the door open too. The next day we had visitors non-stop.  I started feeling weird... not how I expected to towards my sweet new baby.  I knew I was probably just exhausted and hormonal though so  I brushed it off.  Luckily the next night, or maybe the next?  I did rest some and felt WAY better emotionally.  
March 28th (The next morning)

Breast feeding wasn't going so well.  I was so tired the lactation consultant basically took my breast and did it for me.  She gave Danny a "job" to do during and it was just too many hands.  The one night things actually worked was when  I tried all by myself.  Poor Danny, who woke up for every feeding, every tummy check and trip to the bathroom he'd sit up in bed to cheer me on and I just told him to go back to sleep haha.  More breastfeeding issues later... 

Our nurse sucked. She rarely said anything when she came in, just initialed the board.  I had to ask for my meds every time and she as VERY aggressive when it came to checking my abdomen or wounds or dressings for bleeding.  If it weren't for her we may have stayed one more night.  (This isn't hear name on the board btw).  The night nurses were great it was the daytime nurse we didn't appreciate.  I didn't even let her check me before I checked out.

The New Daddy 

Feeling so blah emotionally and physically made it easier than I thought it would be to let Danny take the reigns on becoming Dad.  I can't tell you just how impressed I was with how naturally and easily he filled those shoes.  He did everything he could to help little Rowan adjust comfortably to the world while taking care of me as well.  I really couldn't have picked a better man to be father to my children.  For the first few days it was only Danny that could get Rowan to stop crying.  Only his Daddy could comfort him.  I took this picture the morning after the delivery, one of the very first times he looks at his little son.  I love this photo so much.  I had often wondered how much having a child would change how I felt about him, how our relationship would change for the better.  I was surprised that it didn't change much!  One more stitch in our already bound hearts.  A lot of the time Danny slept with me in my hospital bed, I bet the nurses thought we were crazy. :) 

New Mommy 

This is one of Rowan's first pictures with mommy.  This was also taken that next morning right after delivery.

Together Again (Danny's Journey home before the Birth)

Hey everyone! Danny keeps asking why I haven't posted in a while.  I think I was debating on if i'd blog the about the birth at ALL, and I had to wait long enough to have it enough in the "past" to be able to blog about it  :) luckily I wrote it all down in my journal shortly after.  I also wanted to blog some photo's from the shower and haven't yet so I felt like I couldn't post about the birth yet. Eh oh well. Here we go. (The First installment in the birth story :) )

Ready to get my sweetie! 
I went in to the OB's office and my blood pressure had continued to rise and Doc decided to start me the following Monday. Danny was due to arrive Monday... so I called the Red Cross to get an emergency message to Danny and get him here sooner. They were pretty difficult i'd have to say.  When they finally were convinced it was an 'emergency' because of my heart conditions and rising blood pressure, let alone Rowan's risks then she demanded whether or not the birth was already scheduled with the hospital... errrrrr? Oops. So I covered the phone and told the receptionist who said to say it was, as she wrote it! The woman on the phone was like "Yeah, i'm going to hang up and call the office to verify that." She did, and then questioned the receptionist about whether or not it was actually scheduled with the hospital! The nurse was on the phone at that moment scheduling it with the hospital haha. The lady also called and asked for the nurse and grilled her for a while about whether or not this was an actual emergency. All in all I guess they approved it because Danny was at the airport that night... and the next.  Poor guy! I went to bed that night thinking that when I woke up i'd be seeing Danny that night... I couldn't sleep and checked facebook around 3 am to find army people asking me if  I knew where my husband was.  Well I didn't. They said all they know is he didn't get on the plane. Of course being in the situation we are I had to wonder if he'd been kidnapped by terrorists. So, freaking out a little bit yeah.

 That morning Danny contacted me, the poor guy. He'd had a horrible day/night.  The plane actually broke down.  He got the run around for hours and was finally put up in a motel by the airline.  You'll have to get the full story from him! Glad he didn't get on that plane though with its broken part.

This is how excited I was to see him hahaha
 Danny flew in Saturday night (May 25th.)  I planned on only getting to the airport about 10 min before he was supposed to land... so I wouldn't have too much time to get anxious. :) If that sounds strange when picking up your own spouse let me tell you... it is strange! Not seeing them for MONTHS is strange! Plus I was 20 lbs heavier and HUGELY pregnant! He hadn't seen my baby belly or anything yet and I was nervous.  Of course I spent at least two hours getting ready lol, I had nothing else to do anyway.

Jamba down my white shirt, priceles

I'm such a goober.  I was ready earlier than I wanted to be so I stopped at Jamba for the usual (peach pleasure with strawberries instead of banana's and an energy boost, try it love it)  and, of course spilled smoothie right down my white shirt.  It was a humbling experience haha! I decided that maybe it leveled the playing field since my poor hunny hadn't showered for three days and been on a plane for two.

I had thought about whether or not to have my family at the airport and he and I decided we just wanted to be us. I'm so glad. I didn't want an audience for our meeting. It was a good decision.  I think we will keep it that way next time as well.

When I got into the Idaho Falls airport I found out that he had actually landed early! Waiting outside those doors watching for him was so nerve wracking! Stupid airports, it always is. I was so beyond happy to see him when I finally did! The first thing he said was "Oh sweetie, the camera doesn't do you justice." :) That's my sweetheart! We kissed and I almost cried!  While we got his luggage I had to remind him we were in a public place and he may need to stop rubbing my belly lol :) Love you baby.

Both of these photo's were taken Sunday, May 26 the day before we went to have our baby. :)