Oh man!

Oh man! So I think I just had a breakthrough and it's the scariest one yet! I have been thinking and thinking and losing sleep over how I  can make my next attempt at weight loss the LAST attempt, a real change, a real focus on heath and something that really works this time.  Some of you saw my post on self love (having a healthy self  concept), I haven't finished it yet but it's been a topic on my mind in relation to weight loss.  When I look back I always did things for the wrong reason and had bad habits replaced by obsessive, extreme just AS bad habits! And I still had my self concept tied to the numbers on the scale.  So I ran across a show (I really should say sat on my butt across a show) that came on hulu after biggest loser today called extreme weight loss. The girl this episode was about was named Jami.  After seeing the trainer and deciding to lose the weigh she acted the EXACT same way as I did.  She stopped eating enough, and obsessing about her weight loss.. losing the weight but at an unhealthy rate and nothing in her HEAD was changing. That's what i've been looking for is how to change what's going on my head to make a lasting change.  The trainer recognized these red flags and decided to do something he had never done before. He threw the weight loss goals out the window! On a show called Extreme Weightless! He replaced them with fitness goals. At the exact same moment that I was texting Danny that I thought that's what we needed to do he said the same thing! I cannot tell you how scary this is to me. It's COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone! Even at my lowest weight and "healthiest"  the most I ever ran was 6 miles I think and I only did it once. Anyway, totally terrified but I think this is what I really need. It makes sense to me, it speaks  truth to my heart and feels right in my mind. This is the girl who has dreams about being able to run without getting  tired. Isn't that what I have really been searching for?  I don't have skinny dreams I have health dreams. I made cookies today. I just threw them away haha :)